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Not falling apart.


It's been 4 weeks since I finished work and 2 weeks since the boy went back to India and I'm getting pretty good at lying now.Especially to the 'How are you?' question - Not working and being here alone is pretty depressing, so I have found that the real answer isn't what people want to hear so I've got good at avoiding eye contact and telling everyone I am ok.

But there are small things keeping me sane, mostly the fact I'm not totally alone and I have the puppy here - just the fact I have to get up and get dressed in the mornings so our other puppy club friends don't think I'm crazy helps. As do the puppy cuddles and the the craziness he brings.

There are trips to see friends & my best mates hen-do's.

And we have skype. The boy and I skype almost every day. Flash hasn't quite got it yet and can't figure out where the voice is coming from, but maybe he will in the next 3 weeks.

There are new friends met online that have spilt into my real life.

There are poptarts.

And there has been a lot of random crafting. Crafting for me and for friends and just because. Crafting that I'm going to get my ass in gear and share with you. Soon. I have a little handbag post lined up in my head that I'll hopefully share with you later this week.

It's not all bad. I just have to dig a little deeper to get past the feeling that I'm not awfully worthwhile and find the things that make me smile.

10 comments

  1. That last sentence. I've felt like that so many times and sometimes it can be such a struggle to find anything to smile about. The clouds always pass though, I find xx

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    1. I know the clouds will pass. I do know it. And I know it could be worse, I just need to get it all out in the hope that it'll make them pass quicker ;)

      Hope everything is good with you right now. x

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  2. My cats keep me sane with not working [although I do keep myself busy with ebay] I do talk to them like they are humans though. It does get lonely seeing the same walls everyday so I know how you feel.

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    1. Maybe we should start a 'we're not working and a bit skint' club - the first rule would be that we talk to our pets like they're humans and totally understand us ;) x

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  3. You are wonderful. I went through something similar about a year and a half ago and I can't offer any advice other than that it gets better and often you end up in a way better place than where you started. Also, this quote affected me more deeply and comforted me more than I could possibly ever describe:

    "In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible summer." (Albert Camus)

    You are strong and you will get through it. :) xoxo

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    1. Megan - I love love love that quote. It's not on my blackboard to see every day. Thank you. x

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  4. Oh, Em, it broke my heart a little, that last sentence of yours. I'm so sorry that this is a bit of a rough time for you. I wish I had some words of wisdom that might make you feel better, but all I can say is I'm sending you a bit of soul light... a hope that it helps, even a tiny bit.

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    1. Thank you. Just all these kind words make it a little bit better. I love my bloggy friends. x

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  5. It's incredibly difficult. I spent 3 months unemployed this year and know that feeling of not feeling very worthwhile all too well. It's funny really because I wasn't particularly career motivated whilst I was in one but once no-one is willing to pay you anything to do something, it's hard not to tie up your feelings of selfworth with having an employer.

    If you are ever really bored I wrote a whole slew of 'observations' whilst I was unemployed. I'm sure you've had them too and it might help knowing someone else has been through it too.

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    1. You're so right - i never thought it amounted to who i was but when you meet someone and the 1st they do is ask 'what do you do?' it's hard not to i think. Full time puppy mum doesn't seem to cut it either ;)
      And your observations were so true. Thank you for pointing me their way. And I hope you find a better job yourself soon. X

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Thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings. I hope to see you again soon.